Friday, September 10, 2010

Confessions...


Ramadan is over. No more fasts and today is Eid (a festival celebrated across the world by Muslims to express their gratitude to God after the Holy month of Ramadan).

My past had been very different from my present. I very well remember that I used to be really excited for Eid. But tonight, I am no longer enthusiastic about the big day. For me it was just another day, when I smiled despite the immense pain I'm hiding inside. No-one can see it. And the day ended just like any other day.

I had planned to blog about a lot of stuff, ranging from the rainy day in Karachi to my wildest dreams, but now I am so shattered that even the thought of sharing my fantasies has lost it's charm.

My mind is too occupied with these lyrics:
" Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first; Sometimes the first thing you want never comes; Sometimes the waiting is all you can do...Sometimes."
(Song: Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung)

I wanted so many things; I dreamt so many dreams; I built so many castles in the air hoping to lay foundation beneath them, but after just one day; after that very moment, everything went down the drain. Those dreams, those desires, those castles...all vanished into thin air, forever. Being grateful for what you have is, I guess, the most difficult thing to do. I have so much to be grateful for, but just because ONE dream of mine got shattered, the idea of having my other dreams fulfilled seems quite far-fetched.

And that one dream had so many tiny tiny sub-dreams attached to it. So many things were linked to that one wish. When that dream got shattered, for a moment, I felt as if my world shattered. Everyday I live a life which I never wanted to live. Everyday I walk over a path filled with thorns- My feet bleed, profusely- but I have to go on. I have to walk on that very path, with no destination in mind. It seems as if my hands have been chained, my mind deprived of it's wild imagination, and my world left colorless. I feel as if my happiness has been snatched away from me...and I can do nothing to regain it back.

While ,my world undergoes this unusual phase, everything is being affected. My eyes have lost their sparkles, and my soul has become restless. Every now and then, I feel confused. I don't know whether I should assist the thief of my dreams or not. Whenever I do anything with good intentions, keeping my personal gain miles out of it's parameter, I end up giving the impression that I am trying to dominate others; trying to get what I didn't get... illegitimately...And that is when I lose hope. Does this world deserve me? Does it deserve my good will?

It's a repeated fact that the world is going on because of a few good people..I wonder how they coped up with such tough times. Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela...they didn't succumb to the immense pressure laid upon them from those who didn't agree with their views. I wonder when I will be able to recognize my strength. I wonder when I will get that inspiration which makes people do the impossible...

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Golden Words



"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Edison



"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough."
- Mario Andretti


"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
- Gandhi


"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Maya Angelou


"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben


"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
- Oscar Wilde


"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
- Albert Einstein


"Inches make champions".- Vince Lombardi

Life!

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage. —Seneca

Confusion...

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

Monday, September 6, 2010

Friends Forever



I am a very ambitious person. And that's one reason why people don't like me. I just want to do everything. EVERYTHING! Tonight, when I close my eyes and think about my past I have faint memories of my childhood. All I remember are my laurels, my trophies, the number of prizes I received every year, the comments of my teachers, and the behavior of my classmates towards me. To a certain extent, I guess all of this has played a major part in making me cynical.

I was, a year ago, the opposite of what I am today. I could just see problems around me- problems and problems but no solutions. I was just too pessimistic! I would cry over petty issues, and even a simple joke would seem to be something really big to me. Life was bad. Life was colorless.

I just wanted to get out of school as soon as I could, because I wanted to escape from this hell. Yes, it was hell for me- in the true sense. Without friends it was supposed to be like that.

I was a kind of a person who just hated making friends, especially best-friends. It all just sounded and seemed so fake-y. I mean, gimme a break! You don't have to hold your hands and go to the canteen together or have your lunch together or only talk to each other during break or tell each other about your family issues or call each other 24/7 or write on each other's walls continuously and keep on saying that 'Oh! I so love you!', if you're best friends. It's not necessary for best friends to finish each other's homework, or hug each other every now and then. It is all very fake-y! The relationship is so materialistic! So benefit-oriented! And the funny part is that after a few months the supposedly best friends would fight over a petty issue and part ways forever.

That is why I never wanted a best friend. I just wanted a friend- who'd be no less than a sister.

I've always believed that you can never MAKE friends; some people are just destined to be a part of your life, and you meet them the moment when God has planned your meeting with them- these people are 'friends'. They come when you really need them, when no-one else would turn around and share your grief or burden...It's not about homework or lunch. It's neither about expressing every single thing nor making everything very obvious. It's about keeping some things hidden, leaving them unexpressed, beckoning the other person to figure them out on their own. I guess the most powerful things in one's life are not necessarily that easy to express- just like motherly affection which is always coated with scolding.

I thought I'd remain friendless till the end, despite the fact that I had a humongous friend list on face book. But then when I was going through the most difficult phase of my school life; when almost every person seemed unworthy of being trusted; when everyone seemed to have a personal grudge against me; when everyone had a misconception sowed in their minds; when I was left on my own- the thing I believed in, finally, happened.

I found people whom I could trust, who were better than many around me and who gave me strength to stand tall against all odds.
They were my strength. Not the materialistic strength; not the ladder to my destination. No. They were more than the worldly meaning of 'friends'. They were family and they still are.

I feel happy that now I don't have to shed even a single tear alone. Because I have people who would wipe my tears before they fall onto the ground. Now I'm not alone, I'm not cynical, and I definitely believe in many things which I previously felt were too far fetched.

I haven't said this clearly since a long time but this post is especially for you all: Iqra (aka Azizi), Bushra (aka Bush), Rabiya, Hoora, Fatima, Monazzah, and Fatima Arif- I love you all :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

A New World

I really don't know what to write in this post. It's been a long time since I blogged properly, and now I guess it'll take me quite a lot of time to get back on track. Life has been going on really fast, as in REALLY fast. So much happened and a lot is going to happen; sadly, I aint prepared for it.
Was hell busy during the vacations with the election campaigning stuff; elections took place and the results were announced. Just as i had expected- I lost. Well, it wasn't THAT bad, but yeah... it was bad. Though I still get to wear the gown *smiles feebly*.
Have been recently travelling in a rickshaw quite often (trying to be independent :P). Rickshaw drivers decorate their rickshaws as if they're brides or something. I mean, seriously! And the worst part is that they've got six to seven rear view mirrors! and these mirrors have all sorts of stickers on them- multi coloured ones...but the colourful rickshaws do sometimes distract me from the real world outside; the world that is almost black and white; the world which has a lot of pain hidden somewhere.

I had always dreamed of travelling around the world (NOT in eighty days :P), just like any other teenager, but after my independent little journeys within this little Karachi, I realized that before I go out trying to fulfill this major dream of mine, I'd rather see my own city first, 'properly'. Seeing Karachi doesn't refer to going shopping or visiting the museums, mausoleums, or churches! It simply means going to places where I'd be able to see the hardships of life, the power of a simple smile and the little little things which make life worth living.

On my way back home from tuition, I often take a few pictures (I'm not a good photographer and therefore, sometimes tend to miss amazing moments that would have been worth capturing). Take a look:


Ask yourself again- Is your life really that hard?


That's a part of the 'City of lights'- a part unknown to many of us, but a home to many apart from the 'many of us'



A mini-flood?


To this person might be hygiene holds less importance than his children...but oh well! Imagine the number of bacterias, and viruses infecting those fruits!


The reason why Karachi is Karachi and not Islamabad! Ever tried taking a ride in this?


Home sweet home?


Playing with marbles- and enjoying every single bit of the game...That's called 'contentment'!


A typical news-stand. Newspaper anyone?


I wish I could bend over the walls of my present like this and peek into my future!


Modified Rickshaws! Want a ride???


Couldn't have missed this one! <3

A picture is worth a thousand words because every picture has a story to tell- a story which we all pay no heed to.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Trust me- I really don't care!

One should stop caring about what people think; Because they will think beyond their capacity and then misinterpret stuff..........Can't limit their thinking,sadly... so why bother?