Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Built Up Emotions



30th June.
Finally June ends. I didnt study much (unlike my previous vacations); No timetables ( because I knew this that I wouldnt be following anything); was OBSESSED with volunteer work (the only good thing about June); and made flowers (yep! the paper ones which require a LOT of hard work).

In short, this month was quite different from the previous 'Junes' that I have spent. As in, I didnt sit like a couch potato, glued to the computer 24/7 and neither did I spend time digging books like a NERD. This time it was all 'cool cool' as i like calling it. I got to experience new things in life ranging from mopping to teaching. It was beyond my imagination that a profession like teaching could be such a difficult task. Not only does it require a LOT of patience but it even demands attention. Three hours day seemed like ages. We DID enjoy ourselves, but the exhaustion that took over us cannot be mentioned in words. Panadols and juices became VITAL for survival. But still, every day brought with it new lessons. For instance, it was during this period that for the first time I traveled in a rickshaw alone. Not only this, but I even did the bargaining thingy with the rickshaw driver which is supposed to be a mummy-type task :P

Through volunteer work at SIUT, I realized how blessed I was. Not that I was a spoilt brat before , but just like every other incident that stimulates your conscience, this event too opened my eyes (for the gazzilionth time) and this time, Im trying to FOR SURE make myself a contented person :)

With target killings going on; illiteracy shadowing the lives of talented kids; improper provision of basic necessities ruining their health; hatred invading every person's heart and the gap between the middle class (NOT the rich because that is OUT of the question right now) and the poor increasing like anything, all a teenager could do to divert his mind and to invest in his society (for self satisfaction and not only a certificate) is do volunteer work. Even if it means two hours a week. We should now stop thinking about our own selves and give a thought to those who need us. Not because we're better than them or because they RELY upon us- No. only because we're all humans and we cannot give proof of this humanity which we claim is ours unless and until we DO something 'unselfish', something without a reason, for God's creation.

Monday, June 28, 2010

And June ends with this......

Never have I felt like this before. Friends were supposed to be friends, and it just seems weird having them as your rivals all of a sudden for nothing BUT ONE POST! hah! I wish I had backed out! I feel pathetic fighting for sth as small as this. I mean, not fighting with others; but fighting with my own self, curbing the feeling of jealousy. Ive never wanted this. Last year of school was supposed to be my best year. But with such a beginning, I cant expect a very good ending. Life seems challenging. And this time it's about everything! Everything is at stake. Never have I taken sth as seriously as this. Everyone seems to be a hypocrite, a liar, a back stabber. Every second passes by in a jiffy. Vacations were supposed to be productive! I just got myself stuck into a big mess and now there's no way out. Either I win, or lose with respect.

Moral: Life's not always fair. Sometimes it favors you beyond your expectations, and sometimes it just kicks your butt when you're expecting a kiss on the cheek. You gotta learn to live with it!
It's not about winning every time; sometimes it's about letting it go, just to show the world that you can't get everything that you deserve :)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Sucky Day

Today was a pathetic day. Well, not THAT pathetic. But yeah, 'pathetic'. And for this 'patheticness' the credit goes to ONE person.

I am DYING to do volunteer work at The Citizens Foundation and they have no space for more volunteers. I mean, HELLOOOOO? It's VOLUNTEER WORK! Just take me in!!! pleaseee!
Worse than that, my friend got into TCF! and Im being teased like hell!! Who wouldn't like the idea of having adorable children flocking around you, who call you 'Teacher! Teacher!' and look up to you as a role model????????

I still admire some of my teachers and would definitely like to be somewhat similar to them. I soooooooooo want someone to feel the same way about me. And this was the ONE MAJOR opportunity I had which I blew away. Now, all I can do is listen to the tales of TCF (courtesy Bilal Ahmed Khan) and burn inside. :/

And to top it all, while going through my 'lovely' dictionary, I came across a few words which gave me a shock. Not that it was something absolutely alien to me. But whatever it was (cannot mention it here- yeah, you guessed it!) made me go all still for a while. And Im still not over it. WTH! Dictionaries should be censored too! Oh! My poor, innocent mind! :(

PS: I WANT TO JOIN TCF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

I love you, Daddy!


20th June, 2010: Today is Father’s Day; one of the few days when you actually think about doing something for your parents. It’s funny how throughout the year; that is excluding two days- Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, we are least concerned about what they’re up to and what we should do to cheer them up. Thanking them seems out of the question because they’re parents! They’re supposed to do that! And then when these days arrive, one realizes his fault and then tries to do all that which he paid no heed to throughout the year. It’s just like Independence Day, when every other person is holding a flag, dressed up in shalwar kameez and trying to indicate that they are TRUE patriots!
And today too, we with our hypocritical souls would get up in the morning; most probably make tea for dad, talk to him, have a good convo, AND there is a high probability that we might even end up giving him a present (a wallet or might be a tie) which he would happily yet reluctantly (saying: “Kids aren’t supposed to give presents to their parents”) accept. The day would end with dad being happy and the kid thinking that he has done something great! (Of course, he spent his own pocket money on that gift- that’s no joke!) The next day would be a normal day, with the same old attitude and the same I-am-not-listening response to their never-ending guidelines. Ah! 20th June seemed to be a miraculous day- right? But close to me, it did nothing in changing the real you. All that it did as make you more stubborn. You would ‘patiently’ wait for that one day to give your parents a ‘surprise’ instead of making every single day special for them. That’s what these days are for, right? To make one day special in your parents life and tell them: “You know what dad; I love you for all that you’ve done for me”. Never do we ponder over this even for a second that dad might have been waiting to hear this ‘I love you’ since ages. Thanks to the newspaper, we are duly informed of our ‘responsibility’ towards our parents. If it wouldn’t have been for them, 20th June would have been the same old day, with a monotonous beginning and a typical-and-not-so-happy ending.

All that I wanted to put across through this post was that instead of celebrating one day as ‘Father’s Day’, wouldn’t it be better to make every day father’s day or every day Mother’s day????? Why should our feelings be restricted to one day? This day, indeed, acts as a stimulant, helping us to release all our feelings which would have been mustered up inside, but why should we keep building up that mountain of emotions inside us, when we can always let go off them and make our parents realize DAILY that we do care about them, and we do appreciate all that they’ve done for us. Trust me, if it wouldn’t have been for the newspaper, I wouldn’t even have got to know that today is Father’s Day. And this guilt deep inside is killing me. Though my dad is not here with me right now; miles and miles away in Saudi Arabia, and that I have never got a chance to spend the entire year with him, today I feel as if I’ve never been a good daughter. Even during those phone calls, never did I thank him for what he has done for me. Now while I write this, I can only wish for time to turn back and this guilt to wash away.

Today would end, and you would fall asleep without gaining anything from this one day. Tomorrow would begin and like this the entire year would pass by. Father’s day 2011 would be a similar day, and every Father’s Day in your life would be a monotonous one. Why wait for this one day? Might be I don’t even live long enough to celebrate the next Father’s Day; why not express my love to dad every day? So that when I die, I don’t end up having this guilt in my heart that I never told my dad how much I actually loved him.

Life's reality!


AH! My very own quote!!! :):)

"You can't MAKE friends. You just meet them the way God has planned it. Because they've always been destined to be a part of your life, since your very first breath."

MUSIC- It's in the air that I breathe!


MUSIC.
It’s something every single person in this world is aware of. But putting its meaning in words is one of the most difficult things imaginable.

‘How to define music has long been the subject of debate; philosophers, musicians, and, more recently, various social and natural scientists have argued about what constitutes music. The definition has varied through history, in different regions, and within societies. Definitions vary as music, like art, is a subjectively perceived phenomenon. Its definition has been tackled by philosophers of art, lexicographers, composers, music, musicians, linguists, sociologists, and neurologists. Music may be defined according to various criteria including organization, pleasantness, intent, social construction, perceptual processes and engagement, universal aspects or family resemblances and through contrast or negative definition’.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Definition_of_music

Recently only I had asked a friend of mine, if she could define what music actually is? She was silent, struggling for the right words. Just then another friend of mine responded to the question which had been posed. “The definition of music varies from person to person.”

For a while, I couldn’t digest what I was being told. ‘Music’- All that came to my mind when I would hear this word was Avril Lavigne, Celin Dion, Adam Lambert (Yes! :P) or in short you-tube. But after listening to what she said, I got lost in my thoughts. What about the chirping of the birds; the sound of the waves hitting the cliffs; the raindrops crashing against the window panes; the swaying of the trees; the rustling of the lush, green leaves or the howling of the wind…all of this together too formed a symphony . And I guess it is supposed to be the MOST beautiful symphony of all.

After googling for a couple of minutes this is what I got; Music is:
• an artistic form of auditory communication incorporating instrumental or vocal tones in a structured and continuous manner
• any agreeable (pleasing and harmonious) sounds; "he fell asleep to the music of the wind chimes"
• musical activity (singing or whistling etc.); "his music was his central interest"
• (music) the sounds produced by singers or musical instruments (or reproductions of such sounds)
Source: wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

I searched for a long time, with the aim of attaining a prefect definition of ‘music’. However, in the end all that I got was unsatisfactory. Or should I say ‘incomplete’ in some way or the other. And then after my unsuccessful attempts in getting a perfect definition, I realized how true my friend’s statement was. “The definition of music varies from person to person.” Wherever I went, I found a different meaning, with a different perspective which did not satisfy me. I had a totally different opinion about music, which slowly changed as I viewed each definition. Nothing was WRONG, but I wouldn’t say that whatever I read was RIGHT (close to me). Something was missing; something which according to me was important. And in the end, I settled the matter differently. Music is one word which cannot be defined. To some the sounds of nature might be music. To some the Avril Lavigne-type of songs might be music. To some the metallic-crap (as I call it: P) might be music. And to some, even the heart beat might be music.

Well, this was not actually what I had wished to convey through this post, but sadly human beings have a habit of dragging things and stretching sentences to give the elegant look to their piece of writing. Unfortunately, I am included in the same category. Today, while going through the newspaper I read something which close to me was worth sharing. We ALL believe in this that music has a GREAT effect on our lives. It influences our thinking, our feelings and even our actions. Linked to this belief a study had been conducted in Paris.

Music key to love, assert scientists

PARIS, June 18: French researchers have provided scientific backing to the thinking that music plays key role in matters of the heart.

In an unusual piece of research, investigators from the universities of Southern Brittany and Southern Paris recruited 87 single women aged 18 to 20.

The volunteers each spent five minutes in a waiting room where one of two carefully-selected tunes played in the background. Lurking in another room was a young man, who had also been carefully selected, by another panel of women, to be “average” in looks.

After exposure to the background music, the woman was instructed to discuss the difference between two food products — an organic cookie and a non-organic cookie — with the young man. At the end of their conversation, the young man used a standard chat-up line, asking the girl for her phone number and saying he wanted to ask her out for a drink.

What swayed his chances of success was the music that had been played in the waiting room, the researchers found.

When a “neutral” song — “L’heure du the” (“Time for tea”) by Vincent Delerm — was played, only 28 per cent of women responded positively.

But when the romantic ballad “Je l’aime a mourir” (“I love her to death”) by Francis Cabrel was played, his success rate nearly doubled, to 52 per cent.

“Our results confirm that the effect of exposure to media content is not limited to violence and could have the potential to influence a high spectrum of behaviour,” said Nicolas Gueguen, one of the three researchers. The research appeared in a peer-reviewed journal, Psychology of Music.—AFP
Source: http://www.dawn.com/wps/wcm/connect/dawn-content-library/dawn/the-newspaper/front-page/music-key-to-love,-assert-scientists-960

So if you’re one of those who despise always-falling-in-love-and-then-acting-all-emo-type of people, stay away from lovey-dovey music. Exposure to it might sooner or later result in you being a part of that ‘kind’.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Living Life All Over Again- SIUT


12th June 2010. Exactly, 8.30 a.m.
For the first time when I saw the SIUT building, I was shocked for words. At that instant all that came to my mind was: “This is SIUT. The place where so many people get hope for a new beginning; a new life“
And to be frank, this is what I and I guess, many students had actually written when we were told to fill in the forms for the Student Volunteer program. At that time, I still wasn’t aware of the REAL role of SIUT; which only became evident once I became a part of it.
Luckily, I got selected to relish this experience. Volunteer work was something I had never been acquainted with earlier. And it was THAT day: 12th June 2010 which made me realize the importance of this word “volunteer”.
We got to see the entire hospital that day, even OPD 14, for which we specially had to walk under the sun, and leave behind the centrally air conditioned hospital. And that day was all that was needed to see the reality of life; to witness the different shades of existence and to understand the true meaning of survival. Poverty had just been a mere word for me till then. That day I understood what it actually meant- when you sit on the bare ground if you’re tired- you’re poor…… when you smile despite the unbearable pain you’re going through- you’re poor…… when you eat whatever is available- you’re poor……when you enjoy even a sip of cold water- you’re poor…… when you learn how to bear your child’s pain without shedding a tear- you’re poor….Poverty…yes, that day, this was poverty close to me.
Every human being has a right to live. That is what we ALL believe in. Yet, while we sit in our cozy homes, we forget this portion of God’s creation. Close to us, the only solution to their pain is money. But what we forget is this that they need something more than money… they need something to soothe their disturbed souls…they need love. And as a volunteer I was able to fulfill my obligation; my responsibility. The visit to the pediatrics’ OPD taught me how to share the pain of those little kids, laugh at their jokes, smile at their innocence, and imagine a better world with them being a part of it.
Six days went by and never did one feel as if he was DOING something voluntarily. It all seemed a part of life, and every person whom we spent time with in the hospital appeared to be a part of us; their happiness turned into our happiness, and their sorrows became our sorrows. We ourselves started a new life, this time with a clearer conscience, realizing that life is not only about US, it’s also about THEM.

PS: SIUT- Sindh Institute Of Urology and Transplantation

Heal the World


I think about the generations,
and they say they want to make it
a better place for our children and our children's children
so that they they they know it's a better world for them
and I think they can make it a better place.


There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Hit by the CIEs!


It has been more than a week since I got over with my CIEs (the supposed-to-be nightmare of every tenth and eleventh grader). I remember VERY well, how desperate and impatient I was when I was preparing for my papers. Couldn’t eat properly, couldn’t get proper sleep, facebooking seemed a crime, while leaving your books untouched was an unforgivable sin. I had this huge list of movies etched in my mind, while my heart only longed for one day- 25th May; when finally I’d get over with the torture-some life I was currently living!
Geography was the most dreaded thing alive while History sucked the souls from our bodies. Islamiat, on the other hand, unlike the other distressing subjects gave us some assurance that we might just not get the shock of our lives after seeing the paper. Life was in turmoil. Every shelf was over-loaded with books and notes. Beds were covered with papers with no sign of the bed sheet. The room was overflowing with red, blue, purple, brown papers flying all over the place, while the floor would be carpeted with registers filled with all sorts of at-that-time-seemingly-important write-ups. Nandos, Pizza Hut(s), KFC(s) all seemed deserted as their MAJOR consumers were busy keeping themselves locked up in their rooms, in the company of their most dreaded companions- their books. The clocked ticked faster than ever during this one month. And all you could do was yawn, forgetting to cover your mouth and giving the fly the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to enter your precious buccal cavity. Sleep became an intimate friend, refusing to let you bear this pain alone, accompanying you wherever you went whether it be the tuition centre or school. Every single second was spent worrying about THE DAY (which, precisely, included four days altogether) and every single word you read from the never-ending-pile of nerve-racking books seemed like the last word that would fit in your already over-loaded mind. All one could wish for during this insanely inhumane period was time to turn back, so that one could once again be a kid, care-free and learning nothing but alphabets. Not only this, but to make our lives worse (as if they were any better), a long (Read: never ending) list of apparently-looking-important-yet-nothing-to-create-such-a-hype-about instructions adorned the backside of our statement of entries, after reading which all a kid would want is to jump out of the nearest window and get a limb or two fractured just in order to skip the exam. This was the extent of the terror which over-shadowed our bright little souls.
However, time does pass by and with it all the unwanted events too fade away. Though it is also true, that a thing holds more worth when it is absent/less in your life, and even lesser than ‘little’ of that same worth when it is there- just like time. And so the oh-so-painful days ended in a jiffy, and here I am, relishing the ever-wanted freedom. Despite the fact that I was craving for these days, right now I’m just wasting time. But I guess this is a part of life too (I meant ‘wasting time’: P), just like the once-gone CIEs and this preciously precious ‘time’ would too fly leaving behind regrets and memories, making that time worth reminiscing; sometimes giving pain, sometimes arousing happiness, and sometimes just leaving you blank with one thing in your mind- “Man, I ACTUALLY did THAT!”

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Glimpses Of Life


Sometimes when you’re extremely exhausted, with all your energy drained out, you desperately yearn for something new; just like forgetting your own self and stepping into someone else’s shoes- for a minute or might be longer than that. You just want to leave behind your monotonous, hectic life; and I guess the best way to do so is to get lost in the world outside and look at every minute thing with a different perspective; enjoying every single sight as if it’s a treat, as if it’s a reason to start over again with our lives.
I don’t remember how my childhood was; what type of friends I had when I was in Montessori or what was the thing that would make me go all crazy when I was little. But when I watch children as little as 2 or 3 years old, I feel as if I’m reliving my past. That cute little smile, those hilarious yet honest statements ranging from ‘Mama where do babies come from?’ to the ‘not-to-be-told-according-to-mama truths’, the colourful frocks and the oh-so-unforgettable picture books; all remind me of my childhood, how I would have been when I was little and through this I figure out a part of me which I wasn’t so much acquainted with.
As I return back from home, I try to view every single thing that is happening around me closely. Whether it is those two little kids walking hand in hand; laughing and whispering in each other’s ears. Or those intimate friends, one carrying the other’s bag as he ties his shoelace. Or the cute little boy tightly grasping his dad’s hand as if it means everything to him; with half of his shirt tucked in and the ends of his pants getting under his shoes- about to fall off any second, he struggles with his bag, one end of which, unknown to him, is in his dad’s hand. And the father, just like a savior, keeps the kid close to him as if he’s the only thing he lives for. Or those two school-going youngsters, walking with hands over each other’s shoulders, cracking jokes as they head back home after a tiring day at school.
All of this lightens up my face; this is life I guess; when a man is running desperately after a bus arousing sympathies from those around him. Running wildly, not caring about his freshly pressed suit or his well brushed hair which are now flying hither and thither madly, just to catch that one bus. And then finally the bus stops and holding his briefcase a bit tighter then earlier, he increases his pace and after reaching the spot where the bus is, he catches his breath; relieved. The conductor, a jolly yet awfully dressed man, puts his hand on the man’s shoulder and helps him get on the bus. A smile adorned his face at that moment and I guess not only his face had that queer smile but every other person who watched that man was smiling by then. Life is tough, and that’s why living in itself is a great thing.
These are not only the sights life offers our eyes; the man who is working hard under the sun just to earn a living, pushing his thaila, calling upon the people to try the fresh (according to him) oranges. Or that lady, with her head covered in a dupatta, carrying numerous shoppers filled with grocery, bread and all sorts of prone-to-be-liked-by-children type of things. The scorching heat has no effect upon her because despite it her face is festooned with that beautiful smile and her eyes have that twinkle incomparable to any star in the night sky! Might be she’s thinking of the moment when she would hug her children as they come whining after school, kiss them or scold them in the typical motherly manner if their lunch boxes aren’t empty.
And then comes the smile. Un-avoidable thing I tell you! Whether I have a physics paper the next day, or loads of homework awaiting my presence at home, a smile is always there, independent of all that’s happening around me. A smile is one thing which shows your inner beauty, your inner self and that’s why I guess it comes so easily upon every single person’s face. Despite the fact that every person is beautiful from the inside, we hesitate in sharing this delicacy with others. I remember, once while I was on my way back home, I saw this kid peeping out of the window. His chubby cheeks, twinkling eyes all made him prone to my all-the-time-evolving affection. The sight of him relishing the soft touch of the breeze upon his face was far too tempting. Unable to cuddle him, all I could do was pass a smile. And that smile…oh! It made that little kid blush! I wonder why though; and he immediately bent down in order to hide himself from me. However just seconds later, he was up there, leaning against the window again, this time smiling back at me! And oh my! What wonderful, sparkly teeth he had! He could have been any five-year old girl’s prince charming! And then I figured out, how much we hesitate in even doing small acts of showing affection to God’s creation. Agreed, man is selfish, self-centered. But even with such a nature, he can always find an excuse to pass a smile; an excuse to stretch his muscles; an excuse to forget all the miseries of life; an excuse to spread love in order to get personal satisfaction. You’re not losing anything; you’re just multiplying your own happiness.
We have a beautiful world around us with beautiful people; this world needs nothing but love and that’s what is lacking in our hearts.
Till you are yourself the only thing that matters is ‘your very own life’- how many miseries are there in your life; how unfair life is; how dreams never come true; how unlucky you are; how you’ve been treated unjustly all the time; how you’ve been deprived of things you deserved and so on....... It’s just you and your precious yet unwanted life. But the moment you leave your abode, and view the real world and its beauty in the real sense, you realize how blessed and lucky you are. And then tadda!!! All your exhaustion vanishes! Once again you’re energized, ready to live your life; this time with a new perspective. :)

Random Thoughts...

I was just wondering, how this world has taken us into its grip….how lost we are in this materialistic world. We are busy in our lives, striving and struggling to support our families and doing all that we can to win all the laurels present in this world. We are busy in our own little bubbles, trying to be happy even in the darkest of times. People leave our lives and yet we move on. Might be their death for a moment affects us but then we again go on with our lives as if nothing really matters. Oh….and never ever do we wait and spend some time meditating; thinking that where do we stand? What have we collected that would actually help us after we depart from this world? Have we influenced any one’s life? Have we done something for others? Have we made a difference in this world? Did we do something that we could feel proud of? And have we done something for Hereafter? I don’t know where I stand. What deed have I done that would help me after I leave this world. And would people forget me, just like I forgot people who were once a part of my life. Was I too busy in living this temporary life? Was I too engaged in trying to gain worldly possessions which actually have no worth once I die?

Is life really unfair? Or is it my fault that I never tried to see the justice that I was given? Or is it that I was too busy finding out the faults in my life rather than building stronger foundations that would have dominated them? Is life really a mystery? Or is it that I never used my mind to figure out the solution? Was I too busy convincing my own self that whatever is considered to be impossible is impossible?? If I would have given it a try, could it have been possible that my life would have changed; taken a different track; brought me to a different destination, the one I had always dreamed of? Did I waste too much time dreaming about things, wishing they could come true? Or did I do something to achieve those dreams???

I will find out the answers….I know I will if only I ponder over them…If only I believe in myself….in my strengths…If only I have hope….This is what a friend told me. Never stop believing in yourself and your dreams. Just turn them into reality.

“One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in and where you want to go.”
Sheila Murray Bethel

Inspirational.....

This inspired me a lot, so I just thought of sharing it.....this poem is just amazing!

You may do unto me,
whatever you wish,
but you shall not be able to touch my truth.
You may shed my blood
and burn my body,
but you cannot hurt or kill my spirit.
You may tie my hands with chains
and my feet with shackles
and put me in a dark prison,
but you can not enslave my thinking,
for it is as free
as the breeze in the spacious sky.

Khalil Gibran

Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.........♥

This one really did something to me...

“You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”

I am a troubled teenager....Yes I am....

This was something I wrote while I was coming back from school one day.....The unexpected closure of school the next day, the cancellation of all the after-school activities, the rumours of bomb threats and the sirens of the ambulances, all forced me to release my feelings on an old test paper....It helped me a lot...I didn't cry when I felt like crying...that is the power of a pen I guess...I got what I was craving for at that time....ultimate comfort...



Friday, 30th October 2009
12.50 p.m.

Yet again I’m terrified…scared….uncertain about what’s going to happen next…I want to scream….shout…”STOP THIS!!! I’m fed up!!! I want peace!!! PLEASE!”…But there’s something within me, which is not letting me speak…not letting me release all that is hidden deep inside me…And that is……. ‘Fear’
I see ambulances pass by…..I see policemen in each and every corner of the streets………I see the pale faces of students with worried looks……their eyes are filled with terror…and they have one question…ONE question buried deep within them… “What next?”

I take a deep breath, close my eyes….the perfect way to relax…to calm down…I am free…. I am supposed to be free….But where is my freedom…..Why do I feel that something has taken away from me my liberty………something which is not letting me fly…soar like a bird…….and this time, it’s not Hindu dominance like it was in the past….No…this time…It’s helplessness…What can I do????...I’m nothing…NOTHING but a passive watcher….viewing everything and waiting…waiting for the next episode…Do I even have a role to play over here????..... I don’t know….I don’t know anything….I’m just helpless…..
I…am a part of this generation…lost in this ‘NEW’ world…a victim of Terrorism….A part of a war which has a preplanned end….and I’m living…I’m living just because I’m not dead….yeah, that’s me….and this is today’s generation….precisely, tomorrow’s future….

And as I write this, I don’t want to waste ANY time imagining what my future would be like….whether I’ll reach my aims…be married…have a happy life…..a happy ending….
No! Instead I’m thinking how precious time is….how each and every second matters to me….and how as every minute passes by…I’m breathing, I’m alive…and not like one of those students, who lie in a pool of blood as one of the victims in this War against Terrorism…..And I never know when I would be one of these…when my chapter would close forever in Life’s book….and when I would be a part of the past…a memory etched in some minds…..and nothing more…nothing more………

Random ♥

You might be wondering why I talk so much…why is it that when I start, I never seem to stop…and then you have to interrupt to end my tale….well you see, that’s only one side of the picture….There are so many reasons why I keep going on talking non-stop……when I talk to you, its like I’m out of this world…in a place of my own…and your voice mesmerizes me to this extent that the moment you start speaking, I start dreaming…and my imagination breaks all boundaries, I get lost in a world of my own….It’s the one moment I don’t want to let go…if only time could freeze…and we could stay where we are….It would be so better……and you never notice that, Do you?? That every time you stop speaking, I’m lost for a moment…somewhere…if only you could perceive that……I try my best to hide my nervousness behind my words…..so that you just don’t get to know that my hands are all cold when I’m talking to you…and my heart’s beating really fast….but you don’t feel that numbness…..that heart beat….or the fact that every now and then I close my eyes and take a deep breath….wishing deep inside me…that I could stay with you….forever…just like this…..and I’m constantly playing with my pen…writing your name on the piece of paper in front me, again and again….Though I know it wont bring me any closer to you…but there’s something magical in your name…something mysterious…I don’t know what…I wish I could figure that out…..
I wish you could just see….the reality behind each and every word I say……and interpret the real meaning of each and every statement…if only you could…if only you would……….These words are just a veil behind which I hide my weaknesses…..and the biggest weakness is still hidden in these words……that’s what I’m leaving on you to figure out…….something I am aware of …and I want you to figure that out……on your own…Trust me, it’s very simple…and something definitely worth the hard work….:)

Life's like that

It's a bumpy ride, lots of ups and down, nobody said life was going to be easy. Agreed some of us have a few more bumps than others, but if you look at this strange journey called life in retrospect, there is not much choice. It would be unfair to complain about what you have lost and completely ignore all the people and things you got in return. When I compare myself to the other lot, I find the notion of 'the grass is greener on the other side' so inappropriate.

Every morning when I wake up, the first thought that crosses my mind is to quit my job, relax at home or probably settle down to live a seemingly calm, married life inside the protective boundary of my home. I crib about my job with my friends on our daily email blogs, whine about how impossible the boss is with my parents, but when I lay down on my bed and go over the events of the day, I come to the conclusion that as long as my family and friends are safe and I did something productive, no matter how tiny it was, the day was worth living. With this motivation in my heart I close my eyes to get up early the next day for work. Being grown up is never too easy.

When I was in my teens, I was in a rush to grow up. All the advantages of being a grown up like earning your own money and spending it on fancy clothes, getting a driving license, eating out with friends, hanging out as long as you liked and having a good career that would afford me a decent lifestyle fascinated me. I would usually indulge in day dreaming and couldn’t wait for time to fly by and somehow turn 26 from 16.

But when we grow up, we try to revert back time and go back to those carefree days when summer vacations and Eid holidays meant festivity for weeks and the biggest issue of life was to clear Math exam with flying colors.

At this point in my life, when I look at people around me, what I see is that nobody is completely content, let alone be happy with what they have got. Some complain about being fat, some hide that they are anorexic, some grumble about being short while some shy of towering over others; others regret getting married and hate their in-laws while some are in a rush to tie the knot with whoever on a ‘first come first served’ basis.

Some mourn their broken relationships, others are in a rush to start one; some complain their life has become monotonous and some are weary of their workaholic routine ruining their personal life. In a nutshell, we are never content with ourselves. But it is this struggle for more and more, that keeps the wheel of life moving and us on our toes so that time flies and soon we realise like a worn out machine that our bodies have depreciated over a period of time and we have become too weak to enjoy the fruit of those endless hours of labour that we trade off with time that we could have been spent with the near and dear ones.

We have forgotten to enjoy little things in life. The more technologically advanced we have become, the more we are missing out on simple pleasures of life and the importance of every relationship. We have made a cocoon of status, fashion, money and materialism around ourselves. We live in a bubble and fear to step out of it. We are so absorbed in ourselves that we forget that there are other people who need us, who worry about us till we get back home safely, who long to spend a few hours talking and sharing stories with us and wish to laugh their hearts out with us.

Since man is a social beast, at the end of the day no matter how rigid, professional and brave we appear to the outside world, we need the comfort of our family and friends. So don’t let time slip from your hands while you chase money; lose those around you who are a significant part of your life, for in the end you may regret not having given enough attention to them when they needed a kind word, a smile or just a simple hug. Life itself is nothing but an empty box wrapped with a mysterious phenomenon called time. It’s the people that matter and count and make life worth living, enduring and working hard for. Give a peck to your folks, pick up your phone and call an old friend, log onto Facebook and go through that long list of friend and cousins and scribble a greeting on their walls. Who knows if they are secretly hoping to hear from you!

Writer: Qurat-ul-Ain Rizvi
Source: Sunday Magazine, 22 Nov, 2009

Proud to be a Pakistani- really??

I love looking for what I have done in my life- daily. thanks to google. and Today, while doing the same thing, this is what I came across...I guess I wrote this last year in July. and Now I realize, I wasnt that dumb a year ago (*hint*- Azizi :P)...:P:D...though, I just figured out one 'major' thing- that my thinking has changed...drastically...Ive become more pessimistic. Well, circumstances bring about such changes. So, its not my fault.
Anyways, just thought of sharing this.
Old memories.
Patriotism.


‘I am a Pakistani’…and… ‘I am proud to be a Pakistani’ these are two different statements…which is quite obvious from the wordings only. The first one clearly indicates that it is your identity…I am a Pakistani because I live in Pakistan and was born here…the other one mentions the feelings attached to this simple identity… ‘pride’… saying these two statements is quite simple…almost effortless… both can be said in the same way but in reality they require more than just verbal declaration. I have been wondering on the second statement since a month. I don’t know why but whenever I think of this sentence my mind overflows with strange thoughts.

Pride is associated with pleasure. You feel proud of something when you are contented with it, when you feel happy to own it. The possession of that thing makes you feel good about yourself. Its ownership makes you feel different from others, and that is where the feeling of pride steps in. When I said this statement to myself…that “I am proud to be a Pakistani”, just a second later I was troubled yet again by my thoughts. Am I really proud to be a Pakistani?? Deep inside do I have the passion that is associated with this small yet meaningful statement??

People make the country…so that means we, the Pakistanis, actually are the ambassadors of Pakistan…we are the ones who are representing this country…and who are these Pakistanis? People who are always complaining, who are never content with what they have…People who have easily abandoned their duties…People who are always ready to escape from their responsibilities…People who are ready to criticize but never prepared to appreciate others…People who are busy finding fault in others, never giving a moments thought to themselves...People who have lost the true sense of patriotism…People who are busy running after other cultures, forgetting their own ethnicity…People who live in the past , neglect their present and don’t work for their future...People who give up without struggling, expecting thing to happen on their own…People who depend upon others instead of relying upon their own strengths…these are the people who represent Pakistan…the ‘Pakistanis’…and I’m amongst them. Never had I ever pondered so much over a simple statement…and now when I have I am double minded…should I be ‘proud’ of being a Pakistani??? Should I be happy with what I am?? I don’t know whether I’m justified in saying all this but I definitely think that I cannot be proud of who I currently am…Yes, this is the truth…I love my country...but its people…I don’t know…I want to proud of my identity … but can I be proud of it right now??

But I think there is one way in which I can achieve my aim…one way through which I can be proud of being a Pakistani, in the ‘true’ sense…and that is only possible if I change myself because I am a part of this country…and not only should I change myself but even those around me…If I do so then not only will I be a proud Pakistani but I would also be proud of my own self…I don’t know how far am I right in writing all this…but to me this is the only possible solution…

In the end I would just like to add that I am sorry if I seemed to be too pessimistic…but these thoughts had occupied my mind so much that I had to let them out…I don’t know whether I’m right or not…I know its easy to find the negative aspects in life but sometimes finding them is important so that they could be changed…

If I had my life to live over again.....

If I had my life to live over again, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax; I'd limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after the other, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dance; I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.

Nadine Stair

La vita è bella

Google- I LOVE YOU!!!! What would I have done without you! My one and only love!!!!!!!! *stops acting lame*
Ahem...Ahem....so I come up with something magical yet again....and this one...is...ah! it would touch ur heart and for a moment you'd stop and stare blankly at the screen after reading this....life is so not hard to understand...this one person put it up in words...and I bet everyone has felt like this, at some point...You knew the meaning of life....It was just within you...and this quote, helped me open up that lock which I was so scared to open.....yes, I do want to tell someone how much they mean to me...yes, I want to smile until it hurts...yes, I want to take chances without any fear...yes, I want to laugh..and go on laughing as if it was the only thing I was meant to do.....yes, I want to live my life freely....

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

PS: I wish I could come up with sth like this.....Im such a loser! I mean, arghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *shakes head*
NB: Im weird, I know. You'll turn into a weirdo too if u stay in my company. So beware!!!!! :P

Golden Words

Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
(From a speech given in Paris at the Sorbonne in 1910)

Thomas Alva Edison:
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Paulo Coelho:
But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.

Michael Jordan:
I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.

Comes The Dawn

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head held high and your eyes wide open;
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads
on today because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
a way of falling down in mid flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
your own soul, instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...and you learn
With every goodbye you learn.

(Veronica A. Shoffstall)